Why I am NOT going to ETS this week

UPDATE: Made one of the jokes even better.

One of these reasons why I am not going to ETS is true. The other two are false. Part of me wishes it was the other way around.

  • I am having back surgery on November 20.[1]
  • My paper topic was rejected.[2]
  • The overarching metanarrative of the male-dominated evangelical political system institutionalized in the Trinitarian hierarchalism of the doctrinal requirements of ETS is oppressive. My demands to rectify this with sessions dedicated to realizing the inner countertenor and multicultural singer in everyone have gone unheeded. My non-attendance is a form of political protest with which I identify with all non-attendees everywhere who may or may not have actually not attended ETS.[3]

  1. The disk in my lower back between L5 and S1 has herniated to the right side and is pressing on my sciatic nerve, causing a great deal of pain down my right leg. It has been difficult to sit for almost a year now. I injured it either at a karate workout or when I was making a kitchen table for my wife. Either one makes me feel pretty manly.  ↩

  2. “Cleanse the colon!”: How the Colon has Ruined ETS Paper Titles by Forcing Everyone to Make Some Cutesy Joke with the Title and then Really Reveal the Goods with an Accurate Subtitle.  ↩

  3. I have no idea what this means.  ↩